Wednesday, August 29, 2012

The Boys Summer When They Were 4

I haven't blogged in awhile because I was soaking in every moment with the boys this past summer. I knew that having twins for the summer would probably be busier than ever and possibly insane. But boy was I ever so wrong!  Boys are in school everyday this year, and with naptime I don't get to see them as much. I really felt I needed to blog since the boys have officially started school everyday. It has been tough for so many reasons, on so many different levels. I just feel like time is slipping by way to fast and I find myself running into their room at night before I go to bed and just sitting with them, praying over them and wishing them the most heartfelt blessings upon their new journey. I find myself  taking less pictures of them because I want to be in the moment. 

I don't have many photos of the past 2 months but here it goes! This summer the boys have really gone through a growth spurt in every single way. It has actually taken my breath away more than ever. Ken and I were talking that we both feel this is absolutely been the best age we have experienced. We can breath. Having twins, that first year it was hard to breath, actually the first 2 years it was hard to breath. Their little minds and bodies continue to amaze me with all they have done. This summer I made the commitment to try not to let their childhood escape me like I see so many moms do with their phones texting, reading emails, talking on the phone when they are out doing an activity with their kids. I promised myself I would do these things when they were sleeping, if I was in the car alone or sneak it in while they watched one of their shows.  I have been trying more and more to look into their precious little eyes when they talk to me, get down on their level when they speak (which is constant with both of them - my legs get a good!), ask my friends to wait a moment when the boys discover something exciting and new when we are at a play date.

Ken and I feel more and more excited to see them after nap time and greet them with big hugs and smiles. Now don't get me wrong we always have but we have always wanted a bigger break to "regroup". I still get annoyed, frustrated and tired with all the fighting between them. But, when those feeling start to boil inside, I try to step back, hold my tongue before I say anything so that I am more calm which is VERY HARD when you want to yell - JUST STOP IT!!! 

The time to truly be in the moment with them is paying off. The other night, I found my old journal that I kept from age 5- 20 years of age. At dinner, we sat as a family and read parts of it, especially the first 2 years of my journaling from ages 5-6 and the boys decided they wanted to do this. Last week, they surprised me because daddy had helped them journal and my heart was filled with happiness when they read me their first journal entry. It was so simple but made me realize how much we of a difference we are making in their life. I know they love me, cherish me but I never realized how much they appreciate the extras we do. Nicolos's journal entry said: "My Mom is the BEST teacher , cool foalapan" - whatever that last part meant, not so sure. Probably because my journal entry that I read to them talked about me loving my school. Christians said" Good, cool, I love my teacher". I though hummm. I asked- which teacher Christian- Lora or Cassidy? He gave me that charming smile he has and said -YOU MOM, I LOVE YOU, YOUR MY TEACHER!!!

Just looking at their little hands in mine as we walk across the parking lot, brings me tears of joy knowing how much they trust me in every situation. Looking into those eyes as they look to me for direction, their wonder and all the new things we are doing.  It's been a great summer (other than there fighting) but a nice carefree summer that I hope that I will always remember.

Their little waddles in the sand walking down the beach.
Watching both of you become closer and closer as best friends.
Jumping the waves together at the beach.
Their picnics with friends.
Planting our herbs...which didnt work..
Home Depot Building Projects
Both learning to swim and probably my most favorite...all of us going under water holding hands in the pool and seeing their pure joy smiling under water.
Swimming..swimming and swimming.
Seeing a seagull swoop down and snatch a sandwich from Christians hand.
Sprinklers, slip-in-slides, museums.
Seeing them smile when they found caterpillars slowing crawling, trying to count a million legs on it.
Running around carefree in their batman /superman capes.
Helping both of you learn to cope with the lose of our doggie Rocky, it sucked but I think you learned to appreciate things more.
Letting you baking/decorate your own cupcakes on a whim when you asked in the car and we just stopped, got the materials and did it!
Excitement of seeing the boat races.
Tracing my body in chalk, having the most decorated driveway of chalk in Lakewood Ranch (surprised we didnt get a fine)!
Fishing, catching and touching your fish.
Seeing you so proudly carry your golf clubs although it basically weighed as much as you but so determined.

And of course their CAREFREE Laugh and Spirit.

Yes, they are growing...we all are- including mommy and daddy who get teary eyed more than I can count on two hands for every sweet thing we know that will only happen during this age.

My encouragement to all my girlfriends with kids that are 3 that say " 3 is so much harder than 2", trust me please please please...4 is AWESOME, 4 is AMAZING, 4 is EASIER!! As most of you have said, you don't understand why 3 is so much harder than 2. I think it is because they are trying so hard for independence and going through a rapid emotional change in their brain. It happens at 4 but it is different, I can't put my finger on it but it is better. Better than you can ever imagine.

Now that I wrote all the positive....I still have my BEAR GRRRRR moments, I will not be unrealistic but it is less than the past few years. 

Ken is probably reading this saying...."Wait is this really my wife" but yes is because inside of  me "that internal turmoil"  of what I used to always say I felt, how hard it was with twins was really only about 80% of what you saw. Now, I feel 10 times stronger 10 times less stressed. Maybe as good as what we always say in this house, I feel "Infinity and Beyond" good because I know I did my best as their mom this summer, committing to a "Hands Free" summer while the boys were present with me! I did it!  I was present to them, I felt alive and I felt pure joy with them. Even though I would hide behind our kitchen counter while they watched a show to quickly jump on Facebook, Email or Instagram but I hardly did it when they were present in the room with me. Yipee! A big goal to get through the feelings of them in school each day..GULP  DOUBLE GULP!!