This is my child

Just now I was playing around on Pinterest because Ken went to bed early and I had some quiet down time. Well...for about 30 minutes then I hurt the cry "mommmmmyyy". It was Christian. His feet were hurting. I rubbed them, rocked him and tried to settle him back in. Once I got back down stairs after he was back asleep, he let out a belt retching scream. It was his feet again. He is experiencing some major growing pains: his knees, legs and now his feet. I finally gave him some Ibuprofen and had him walk around a minute until it subsided.

Then....well.... then I rocked him like a baby. He is my baby. My baby boy. As I was rocking him, he feel asleep on me and I had a rush of thoughts and couldn't let go.

This is my child that I wish would always sleep in my arms forever like when he was a baby, but then it was hard to enjoy as much because it was double time with twins and no sleep. Tonight I couldn't get enough. Seems the case lately.

This is my child that seems so fiesty, tests me to every limit and at times (oh let's be real here- alot of the time) I just need a break but right now in the quiet of the evening my heart feels bigger than it ever has and I don't want to ever let go.

This is my child who the teachers say he is at a gifted level and needs constant stimulation. At first I thought,..oh my kid is smart (found out at 18 months). Nope with that comes a child who needs constant stimulation, a child who when gets bored within 10 minutes of a activity if not challenged hard enough with a extra step, who will try to get my 100% attention with picking fights with his brother or have a tantrum about something.

At times quite honestly this makes me insane and I forget how lucky I am that I have a beautiful smart child but tonight I know that. Tonight I was reminded of his sweet innocence, that he has a natural gift, that it HAS to be my job to stimulate him or find activities to stimulate him. It is what good parents do- they find a way to not be selfish and to put that extra effort into their child. This made me want to rock him longer because I get so mad at him at times because it is non stop activity of questions, talking, fighting but now that he is in my arms so pure and peaceful, all I can do is kiss his head and not let go. I just thank God for blessing me with him, to reduce the meanness in ME when he challenges me ( I think I said that pray 100X today- even have it on my refridge). Tonight, all I want to do is hold and rock him. I just held him for 40 minutes after he fell asleep in my arms in our quiet house, enjoying the silence, not wanting to let go, listening to him breath, feeling his body move and feeling him curl up to me. There is no greater gift from God then that. I need to remember it because.....

This is my child who when he gets super excited and happy, has to ram his fists into my butt or stomach because he doesn't know what to do with the excitement or likes to come and poke my belly or boob which makes me insane. When I was rocking him, I was looking at those same little fingers that normally piss me off but tonight, those sweet little fingers and hands showed their true innocence and their love for their mommy as he had them wrapped around my hand.

Yesterday and today he started adding or subtracting verbally out loud out of nowhere innocently. Yes.... math out of nowhere. This is what I mean, he continues to shock me in so many ways. Yesterday when I asked him during "pretend" play to get me 8 fish when he was out fishing, he came back and said "Mom, I only got you 6". Then I just happened to randomly say.." Well Mr. Fisherman, if I need 8 and you only brought me 6 how many more do I need". Christian just turned and innocently said..."2 mom, I will go get 2 more for 8". He did it again today with other numbers that I couldn't believe. I have no idea what age you are supposed to do this, but I do know not at 3.

This is my child where tonight, I didn't want to let go of rocking him because it doesn't come that often anymore and I miss it. I miss it more than words can ever say. He is my baby boy, my little spit fire that likes to do it his way, EVERYTIME, EVERYDAY but moments like these brings it all back into prospective. He is so freaking smart this one.....he catches everything. Tonight he probably caught a few tears dripping on his head from my eyes because as I was holding him, smelling that dove soap on his skin, I just couldn't stop smiling and prayed to God that Christian always keep pushing his boundaries with me, that he never gives up because that is his strong will and that will make him the success I know he will be. However, I prayed to give me the knowledge to encourage him, to know how to NOT get frustrated so easily and to just plain...well help me not be FRUSTRATED!! I prayed that he will always keep that sweet little smile, that sparkle in his eyes that is so innocent but yet at times so devious. I love you Christian- Coo!