Faith Begins At Home

This post is turning out to be something "a tad more deep" than I expected. Ken and I are trying our best to set strong Christian values in the boys. By doing simple things like praying before meals, bed, what compassion is, praying out loud when family or friends need prayer, explaining why we pray to God and Jesus, who they are (that part gets tricky). VERY TRICKY. I have always had a strong faith but as an adult I am realizing more and more what it is to have faith. Yes, I have been angry at god but now I don't get angry with him, I just accept it as it is face value when something is happening and although I still get feeling of being scared and anxious I just pray and I am given the strength to get through it (especially 2 whining children)! Tonight Ken and I are going to a study where the boys go to school on a parenting class called "Faith Begins At Home". THANK GOD BECAUSE I NEED IT. For one simple reason...explaining death to my children at 3. Which I didn't get a answer for in the class (I am finishing up the blog next morning).

So this blog was supposed to be about our silly fish.....see in the picture below... this is me. Happy at the fair, a mom holding a million traditional "FAIR" items for their enduring children and family. We have a giant lemonade, cotton candy, a giant blow up sword, a normal sword, my purse and yes...2 FISH. Just what we need in this house. But my husband loves games and we never thought we would win but the boys were the ones that actually won, so it was exciting. It was a great day with Grandma and our family, although I was struggling with bronchitis again and the crowd was kind of scary, we still had a ton of laughs and fun! The boys finally decided on the names of their fish "Oki and Tower". It took some time to get those names and initially it was "Flower and Tall Feet". When we won the fish as I was handed a bag with 2 little live creatures and my "maternal thing" kicked in. I had one simple question to the fair guy-"What do I do" ? His response, "Feed them, you have 24 hours to feed them". But I was not going to take chance of these Fish croaking on me because we were all getting attached and I did not want to have the conversation about death with the boys again.

So, we put them in the little porta-potty in the back of the car on the way home (yes they began their life with us in the toilet - probably not a good thing). Nicolas was very concerned they would get "bumped in the bag back there or bump into each other and get hurt". But in the toilet they stayed...... So I ran out and got them some food after they went to bed. They were not looking so great. We had this list of instructions- CRAZY instructions:

Temp water of 70-75 (which we measured with a meat thermometer).

Soak food for 1 minute in water then put in bowl.

Get a water filter for oxygen- if they are gulping at top they need oxygen (new water).

Change water if it is cloudy.

Distilled Water.

I have to admit, I get very confused with filtered water, spring water, distilled water. I thought it was one and the same. So I put them in warm spring water. They started GULPING at the top. As you see in the photo below it didn't look good from the start. I couldn't keep the water from not being cloudy and every time I looked at them they were gulping for air. So all night all I could think of was they were chocking and what a crappy way to die. Ken and I were determined!! I had Faith these guys were going to last a long time. You see the last time I had fish was about 11 years ago when ken and I were dating and we won 2 fish. Having the heart I do, I cried and said a prayer when they died and got flushed 2 weeks later, so I said, "NO MORE FISH".

Meet Oki and Tower

Day 2: Ken went out and got them a nice little tank, filter, blue lighting over them, distilled water and Ken even went to our back patio to get some cute little rocks . Again, we were determined!! Yes all for fair fish. Ummm...they croaked within a few minutes of putting them in the water. SHOOT!!! They they were floating dead. The rocks with chemicals from our yard? Wrong water? Shock to their system? So I quickly covered them with a towel. When the boys asked what they were doing..."umm sleeping, we need to keep the towel on them to sleep". Boys noticed they were not there early the next day so I quickly said..."Oh they had to go to the fishy hospital to get their spots removed, they were not feeling great but they will be home later today". Ken ran out fast and got 2 more. Aghh... all because we didn't want to explain death and because the boys were so happy they had little pets. Now these fish looked normal except boys noticed they were smaller and no more spots. I just blew it off and said " oh the doctor must of fixed them and look how happy and bright they are". We had one little fish that really enjoyed swimming at the bottom. I thought maybe that was normal?


Day 3: All is good. Boys happy, parents happy, grandma happy (yes we give grandma daily updates as she is part of this dilemma and I think getting a little attached herself). Then last night the swimmer at the bottom- died! SHOOT! One little guy left , swimming all alone.


Day 4: Boys immediately notice and asked where the one went. I have debated telling them the truth but when my grandma passed away this year and when I slipped and told them they could die if they kept sticking metal things in electrical circuit ( I know horrible thing to say- I over reacted and was scared) I got slammed with questions like:


"What does die mean"?
Why did she die"?
"Why do things go to heaven when they die"?
"God is in heaven- why do they have to live with god"?
"Can we see God"?
"Why doesn't god come here with them"?
"Can we go to gods house in heaven"
"Will you go to god if you get real sick"?
"Will we"?
"Am I going to die"?
"When"
"Will we have to go to god away from you" Then finally what I expected because they didn't understand: "I don't like god, he's not nice". So that took some explaining and gave me a migraine!!

So when the boys asked this morning where the fish went, I was going to tell them the truth but I had a flashback of all those questions and I panicked and said "Fishy is sleeping in the rock, you just can't see him". Yes, we are going to go get another fish until I can figure this out but it has become more of a process for me - yes it has become more of how do I explain death again to the boys without them being mad, sad. Even though that too can be a normal reaction to death. It's not about the fish anymore. I am over that part. Isn't that bad? I have faith still, faith this is a conversation that is going to happen and faith god will give me the right answers for a 3 year old. So for now- at 5 pm Weds - day 4 we have one little fish left out of 4. I had faith this little guy would make it but my friend just stopped over who has fish and said..."Nope, sorry Jody- you are going to have to get 2 more fish, this one isn't going to make it through the night". I STILL HAVE FAITH HE WILL!! I also just found out there is a children's book called "Heaven Is For Real" which I will be getting.

Day5: Fishy Still Swimming!!