Lou - Lou

As almost every blog starts off, I should be working since boys are sleeping and I am backlogged with resumes. Sick again~ go  figure. It seems when I get sick, I get overwhelmed with it all and so emotional.

Well, today it has been especially hard because I realized that in approximately 2 1/2 weeks one of my biggest, strongest, most influential people in my life is leaving and I am so heart broken.  Lou, who has helped with the boys for years, who has been my neighbor, who the  boys think is their grandma is moving to CA.  It is like a pit formed in my stomach and is stuck.  She has taught me so many things about faith, love and respecting others. I truly feel the boys are 1/2 as smart as they are because of the tools she gave me in teaching them.  As a former Kindergarten teacher who is so nurturing, she just loved trying to give me tools and songs to teach the boys that I still use today.

She has been my rock in all areas of my life when I felt things were getting to hard to do, when I doubted myself, she just listened unconditionally with no judgement and would pray with me. She prayed over the boys when they were the sickest with RSV and she always blesses them each time she sees them with her quiet prayers.  It's funny, because I know she wouldn't want me to panic that she is leaving, she would want me to rely on my faith but I have that panic feeling. Your probably thinking what is this...right? 

Well, she has helped me get some of the darkest moments that have occurred over the past few years whether it was about my family or just on days I didn't want to get out of bed. She was there. She would come over and just help me breath.   She used to watch the boys 10 hours a week for about a year and half, then she was offered a wonderful job with my friend to nanny for them 4 days, so I was still able to have her come over on Fridays. I looked forward to seeing her with that smile and huge hug. Then when school started it was whenever she could or when I needed her the most. Or she would just do it because she missed us. If she sensed I was stressed, I was so blessed because she just had those words or would just say..."Let me meet you at the doctors to help you with the boys at their appt". 

Probably, the biggest thing she did which I will forever be grateful is she taught my boys that Jesus lives in their hearts. She taught me "how" - meaning the words to teach young kids.

It is like having a security blanket in your life in a simple way of explaining it. Does that make sense? For all of you who are super close to someone, you get it. You get the pain it is to see them leave.  It is so painful to know the boys will not be able to see her and they will ask "Where is Lou-Lou."  Now if they ask, I just call her up and say when are we doing something.

I just have so many words to express to you Lou! I don't know where to start. You have been my mentor, my friend, my sister, one of the boys grandma, you have helped Ken and I face some scary things and I will never ever let the boys forget you!!! You helped hold these crying babies for that entire week when they had RSV, hours after hours and you refused to leave my side until someone else was here to help them. When Ken was gone that weekend and Christian was so sick, you just came over without me having to ask and rocked Christian and soothed him after he was crying for hours and I didn't know what to do.  You have given so much of yourself to our family for only one reason, you love us. You love us unconditionally.

I hope you too know just how much all four of us love you. Tears stream down my cheek as I write this because it hurts your leaving. I am going to miss you so so much. You have helped keep me grounded when I didn't know I could be, giving me the confidence to be such a strong, confident mother that I am. You've helped me become confident in my choices with the boys and confident in the way I am raising them and I love you so much for that. The only words I want to REALLY say is "Please don't go"!!  So...for now, for this moment in my life, I am sad but I am also counting my blessings that God did put you in my life for a reason and you will always be in my life.