It's Really Bugging Me!!

At 7:30 am Monday ( as I am coming out of my morning fog enjoying a nice warm cup of coffee,) Christian comes running and says very loud and excited :

"Mom..Mom hurry quick there is a bug with BIG legs".

I casually say, seriously?

He says "YEAH, A BIG BLACK SPIDER" and threw out his arms! Come on mommy, look its behind the tree" Then he takes off back to the bug.

Okay, you all know how I feel about ants and spiders. I am a freak with spiders. Spiders are worse than ants. I actually have a panic attack if I see a big one. I jumped up, ran to see where it was AND..AND..I SCREAMED! It was a spider. One of Florida's UGLY, furry brown spiders that are the size of a nickle (body).

Not realizing I was screaming "oh my god, oh my god it's a spider" in front of the kids, I finally realize I have to kill this thing. I have to figure out how. To the normal person, there is no thought process, you kill it. Right? Grab a paper towel and smash it. Not me, I froze. Ken has ALWAYS been here when a spider has been detected in our bug proof bubble house and he takes care of it as I cower into a fetal position and scream until it's dead. It is ridiculous.

Then the next stupid thing came out of my mouth: "Christian, stand guard, I am going to get the dust buster" because the thought of trying to smash it and it jump on me..ewww. The thought of it crawling to where I can't find it...ewww. Then I said "Forget it, don't stand guard, everyone on the couch". I sprinted, got the dust buster and sucked it up. Then I thought, oh shit is a dust buster going to kill it? So I kept it running ( the dust buster) started sucking up any dirt in the house thinking for a split second the tiny dirt will kill it. Nope, still moving. I grabbed a garbage bag, went outside and dumped contents. It freaking jumped and started crawling and I am standing there screaming and jumping like a fool as the kids laugh at me saying "do that again mommy, do it again". Now what, I don't have shoes on. All I can think is "smash it, smash it"!! But with what? So..naturally I take the dust buster and start banging the spider. Dust buster survived, spider didn't.

I called our Pest Control and repeatedly played phone tag with our guy. Finally, he called and Ken happened to pick up the phone and I overheard him say casually "Yeah, just the ants to the left of house". WHAT!! So I speed dialed bug guy back and said, no you have to do our quarterly treatment early!! We have bugs!!! As I described in detail each of the 3 bugs we have had over the past few months, he just said.."Man you know to much, who told you about all this"? Oh no, my beloved bug guy Rich is no longer with the company. This guy doesn't know how neurotic I am, so I interrogate the poor guy. He just says, "Let's just take a look" . Let's just take a look????

Oh, poor bug guy...
Oh poor Ken. Once I hang up with the new bug guy, Ken gets slammed with my comments, not giving him a chance to answer:

"Who is this guy"?
"Why is he questioning what I want"
"Why is he telling me HE is going to assess, I just assessed and I am paying"!
"Ken, call him back".
Ken's one comment: "NOPE".
Me: "Why? I am going to cancel the Dr.'s appt tomorrow so I can be here and clearly explain to him what the problem is". I even almost canceled doctor's appointments so I could be here so I could specifically tell him when, where and what I saw. A SPIDER.

Christian thinks it's a joke. Hell, everyone does. Christian realizes the insanity and likes to see me scream. Today in the car he said very loud "Ma....Mee...there is a spider crawling on the back of your seat".

I couldn't freak because I was driving and I started yelling "Seriously, seriously, Nicolas is it true? Nicolas- Christian is there a spider?" - like 100 times. Nicolas just laughs, "No mom..we are just kidding".

I swear, we do not have a lot of bugs, I have the perimeter's of this house treated like we are in a bubble... but if I see a furry spider you better believe the bug guy is getting a call.

Shit, as I type this I just looked down and saw a dead one next to my table. What the hell. But it's dead. Gotta go, gotta call the bug guy!